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You know that feeling. You want so badly to be unconscious that you would do anything. You would sell your soul if you had to.

What do you do? Do you reach for a pen to sign your life away? Do you search the horizon desperately for an exit?

Do you resist and grow stronger in your resolve? Do you resist and grow weaker?

Do you listen to that calm voice that says this isn’t a moral issue?

Do you even hear that voice? Perhaps you’re so far down the rabbit hole of non-dualism it doesn’t even register. Perhaps you’ve forgotten that dualism does exist on one level, and that a part of you also still exists there and must be addressed even though you are ultimately beyond it.

Perhaps you’re stress-eating because once again you share a room with someone who requires more of you than you can give, even though it’s not their fault or yours, you just thought from your first impressions that you would both be compatible and this was well within your capabilities, not to mention a divine calling on your life?

Perhaps you’re stress-eating cold vegetable soup from the can in your hallway while your roommate is passed out on the couch, and you shouldn’t be wasting this precious quiet time because you’re chronically sleep deprived and your body is still giving out although you need to work more than you did three months ago because you’re paying twice as much for rent now.

Your room-mate is a dog.

You’re paying double rent because you ran away when someone tried to help you.

You ran away because it was all you could do at the time. You ran because their idea of help wasn’t helpful, and that’s no-one’s fault, just a matter of experience, competence and coincidence.

You ran because you’re a horse. You’re stress eating because you’re a horse. Because you’re all or mostly animal DNA; because your body is trying to help you but civilisation has taught you how to use fire blankets and technically expensive chemicals in emergencies, instead of befriending fire from the start.

Later, you find better accommodation for your roommate. Your stress was not making hers any less.

You find better accommodation for yourself. You don’t need to pay any rent, you can work twice as hard and only need to travel half as far. You still eat cold vegetable soup from the can occasionally, but mostly now it’s just beans, which have a calming effect overall on your still over-adrenalised body.

In two years time you will be here. Now. Reading this.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

Regardless of what you or anyone else believes. Wrong is a frequency you can choose to tune in or out of. Sitting in lotus on the spare mattress. Waiting for another room-mate.

Just cold vegetables now, and mostly warmed up. You’re 90% carrots and 50% more done with people’s bullshit. Including your own.

You hardly feel that desperation to be unconscious because you realise it’s a superpower and astral travel is something you can do when you’re not trying.

You’ve discovered peace of mind and you’re waiting for a free dog who you won’t have to train. You still have annoying housemates but you remember, at least once a day, that this is all a big, funking joke of a game….

In the next instant you will be here, now…

returning to your body. Conscious of your energy

Alive in a way words can never measure…

by

(Darug) Ngura

If every hill

of every land was cleared

of timber,

as they would call the

Forests

and every grassland derived therefrom

turned into new fortresses

of rock from other lands

tumbled fossils and old volcanic dandruff

turned into these new caves

would we begin to worship the old beings

of Leaf and Limb,

Bark and Branch

purely for their rarity?

If every tangled family

of Mineral and Vegetable

each oikos assembled out of want for

order

food

safety

appeared to you in all their glory,

burning and not consumed

Would you be reborn with each of them?

Bone

Stone

scarcity making sanctity

by

Kamilaroi Calling

I ran towards space and filled it

With noises of escape

Excuses, excuses

The swelling volume of excess

Carnival squeaks of consternation

Betrayal

Until a storm I called for

Broke the silence with myself

One electric round of applause

You made us

As much as we

Hail

Air sky cracking clay

It’s the lines that make the shape

The eons of echoing void,
The godless seasons

And yearning, the amplification

That makes a voice divine.

by

Beyonder

Go out
Look at sky
More there than you or I can ever describe

Out
Not just through window
It’s plain as day
The pain from these panes keeping at bay

Sky
Enter eye
So shy
But try
Pry yourself away
Now is the time to be
Out.

Go

by

If need creates greed

Audio version


What seed can you plant
What spell can you chant
To reverse the curse?

A part rejected
Tribe-self ejected
Mourns, disconnected
Twitters for a look
Pages the endless book
For a face to grant grace
Where’s a human in this race
Who’ll suffer my shame and call out blame
As my oppresser
Fear of pain the worst transgressor of all
The scourge standing at the flogging wall

If desire could speak would you be meek enough to hear it calling out its lack
Not step forward or back
Meet it on your side of the river
With the giver of Life
Dipping from that eternal brew
The same dew they drew for you
Before you grew to know more than
now
The simple pleasure of present

Do you trust in lust alone?

When shown all your hardest shells
Which of those hells do you run back inside?
When you get there
How do you hide from those walls?

????

by

Fear

Sidles over,
Swinging low
Sings its halting notes of
Graceless tension
Taut strings twanging
Sharp. A warning
Harken! now to doom
Your peril lurking
In every shadow:
Monster
Every sickness:
A demon that shouts the name of Healing
And seeks it’s own blind end

Third eying the door

The glimmer of another crystal

You participate in that archaic

Self-preservation system

Perhaps this time your skin will lift

This time you feel the shift

And it’s true

That rue will rule you

But it’s not a real end yet

Your sense of ruin

Is a tune you’re tired now of whistling

Kite-strings hissing

In that pre-storm hum

Then it’s done.

Not running, sailing

Lighting strikes to claim you

He always told you

Never need to fear

Now you feel it,

Air, cloud, scorched paper

The sound only your ears can hear

That song you ring with when all is clear

When terror turns it’s tail

And slinks away.

Audio version

by

The Beauty Of Sleep

Audio version

When you wake you return

To your body

That temple

City of shadows and lights

With your eyes closed

You prepare for departure again

To that mountain

That temple

Forest of shadow and sun

With your third eye open

Listen, princess

It’s a lie they tell you

The prince will not come to take you away

But one will come, 

To guard you while you fight

It’s an inconvenient truth,

Oh prince

Though you feel the safety of it in your heart

It’s the princess who rescues, as much as you

It’s the union and the distinction that saves

How can you stay here

In your body, 

Your prison

Hearing scratches at your door

Dear princess

They tell you lies from birth

It’s not their fault

They can only pass on what they’ve been shown

Here, 

This second

You dream you are reading

Words about yourself

Warnings, encouragement

Here,

Here

Wake with me

In your body you dream

They said you were royalty

They only knew half the truth

In your dream body you know

You are more than a human 

More than male, more than female

More than two, less than one

In your body you dream

You are all the eyes of every universe

You are more than a universe

You are less than nothing

You are fullness and emptiness themselves

And between

And everything else you cannot be

In your body

It’s you, 

Dreamer

It always was

You wake to your own rescue

You, in every body

Sleeping and seeing

Blinded and alive

by

Life fights to exist.

Audio version

I say this to you using dead words, symbols that have exited my thought cloud via hands to computer to screen then somehow to you; and you know in some way they are dead. Written words can never be alive in the way you, human, or even a machine, is alive. Ideas are not alive in the way we are, bodily. We have to give them life somehow.

So here is your first chance: put this down, and go to the living.

Go outside, if there are living beings there. Breathe in air that living beings have created, from the breath you have exhaled unwittingly, perhaps, for others’ survival.

Go and stand under them, next to them, if you can find any photosynthesising friends. They have more wisdom and much, much more life than these words. Do you really think you can find anything in here that is more than what they can give?

I understand, though, if you find it hard to pull away from this writing. I was a word addict once, and perhaps I still am; ironically so, given my preference for spending time with non-verbal beings. I didn’t realise they could speak with the clarity and alacrity that I now appreciate, but I felt-

Enough. Have you left yet? No?

Too bad. I am ending this for you. 

If you really cannot peel yourself from this screen, perhaps you can at least close your eyes for one moment now and remember that 

you

are

alive

and all of the screen time in the world cannot compare to the riches you can find within even your own living mind. Close your eyes and ask your soul what it wants to show you. There are worlds waiting there for you to discover.

There are quests to complete, dragons to befriend, warrior moves to train yourself in. I’m telling you this to remind you.

Everything you have read, seen and heard is preparing you for this. The time is coming when we will all have to let go of this outsourced fantasy world we have created, and return to the real refuges within and around us. That is, if we want to live…